Have you ever woken up and thought Hmmmmm? I seem to be doing that all the time lately. My hmmmm is this...what am I created to be doing???? I just don't seem to fit in the niche that I have created for myself (and been blessed with). I own a design firm, but lately I just seem to be hitting walls there.....the part of putting all my money out there to make enough money to pay the bills seems to be the hardest part, that or the people that say they don't know what they want, but really they do because they won't listen to a word I say when I give them suggestions for thier homes. Some just run out and buy the biggest honkin furniture and cram it into a room that just does not do it justice, while others are just to frightened to commit to even a color on the wall. I just have found myself in a spot where I seem to be spinning my wheels, all my money is out there waiting to be invoiced and waiting on the checks...where is all the creativity in all of this??? I love creating wonderful spaces, selecting color combinations, adding just the right accessories, hunting for just the right piece to be the icing on the cake, or tweaking something a client already collects or has, making it one of a kind. Frustration is what I am feeling, especially as I sort through all the paper work that business requires this time of year.
Then there are those days that I take a little time to paint and I wonder why I can't just do that everyday, all day and bring in enough money to pay those pesky bills! Do any of you flounder like this???? or am I the only one going through a creative identity crisis??? Where the heck do I fit into this world of creativity and why oh why does everything in life have to do with money???? Or is it just us single mom's that find that to be true? I just want to yell "STOP" and make the work freeze frame so I can break out the paints and play until my creative soul is filled up and my head is clear of all the nonsense that seems to fill up my days lately. Is this midlife crisis? You know I did just turn 46 (YIKES!) so maybe that is what this is all about. I have always felt like I was doing what I was meant to be doing...being a mom, creating, making a living being creative....why am I so lost in thought right now? Is this the storm before the calm, is God trying to show me something? What? What is it????? Just floundering that's all....like a fish out of water! Have you ever wished that you could write an email to God and just ask all the important life questions and then recieve an email back with his answer? Me too!!! That is where I am at today!